the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
