Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
