I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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