We got so high we made milksteak
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
