You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
its not stalking. its research.
now i know why i became what i already was.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
