Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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