we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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