If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
