I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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