I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
