Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
