Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
