One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
