She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
