you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
