Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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