I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
