Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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