hell yes lets make some ravioli
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
and she was petting her beer can
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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