Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
