I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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