Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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