R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
