they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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