I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
