Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
