you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
