If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
