eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
