I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She told me I should be a condom model.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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