She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
