Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Randomize
