I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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