im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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