I'm going to rape someone's good day.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
