Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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