can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The Olympian is in my bed
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
