I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
