We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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