Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
