I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
