I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
