I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
