Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
