from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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