Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
this is an emotional support booty call
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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