A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
