At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
