Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
