i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
