I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
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