im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
