i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
